weird

i hate this mood.
i had a blast this weekend, and yet i have been in such a funk.
last week i had weird vivid anxiety dreams. i just looked up the meaning of accident and late, both things that have been in my dreams a lot. both said that i am having a lot of anxiety right now and i need to calm down. gee, thanks. i couldnt have figured that out myself.
i guess i am stressed out, with lots of stuff to do etc...
but what is mostly bothering me today is boys. i know its stupid to let it affect me so much, but alas it is. last night was a ton of fun (superbowl party), but i played one round of beer pong too many. i got a lot more drunk than i expected to. i flirted a lot with Brandon, which is kinda a problem and kinda not. i really like brandon, so thats why its not a problem. however, he has a gf (i think, although they are fighting all the time - fingers crossed! wow i sound like a horrible person...) and i dont know if he remembers us flirting, but i dunno. he also smokes pot, a lot. i dunno if i would be able to deal with/ be ok with that. lastly, i think i am a little embarressed because cait and andrew werent really drunk, so they obviously remember and i dunno what they think of me. i dont like being that out of control and others being sober and judging me. that really worries me. ugh, oh well. its not like i see brandon all that often and its not like anything is ever going to happen with him. even as i type that i am like "but maybe"..... but lets not get our hopes up.... it just leads to more emotional fuck ups later. oh god, and i have started referring to myself as we. this isnt good.
oh well. whatever. maybe i can fall asleep now amidst this pounding fucking headache.