ugh... i hate this

i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this.
i didnt have any school thurs and fri so i went home on wed night. the drive home was hilarious. skip, neil, and tom were so funny. i seriously think it is the third best car trip of my life (spring break ones being at the top two slots). The following days were amazing. i basically hung out with Nick. It felt so good to see him again and to be back home again. The only problem - my parents were on vacation and therefore ate most of the food in the house before they left - there wasn't even bread!! So, besides the hunger, those were some of the best days of my life. Nick decided that friday was my "birthday" since he won't see me on my real bday (tuesday by the way...). He gave me 8 roses (for 8 months - thats on thursday), a stuffed monkey (named Mr. Monkey - name compliments of Nick), and a gorgeous necklace. We then went to see Waiting. It was pretty good - they did a good job of showing what hell it is to work in a restaurant but it needed more Dane Cook. Later that night Amanda called - She was in town!! So Amanda and her roommate Jess came over. We then headed over to Margaret's dorm where Spaeth, McCuddles, Hovis, JT, and some people i didn't know were hanging. George came later. It was so amazing to see all those people again and be able to drop my guard for the first time in a month and just relax. It felt good to be home. Not in the sense of being back in STL, but being around people that understand me and love me for who i am. Today I hung out with Nick. Then Julia and Paul came home and we went to Gravity (a guitar store) and Taco Bell (mmmmm). Then mom and dad got home. I love my family. that is all i have to say. We then all headed to Lagniappes for dinner. I finally got to have the tenderloin spedini that i had wanted to have for so many years. Dinner was amazing and I got cake - mmmm. After that Nick and I went to Ted Drewes to meet Amanda and Jess. After hanging out in Amanda's car for a while we went back to her house and watched the Dukes of Hazzard. It was good and pretty funny - a lot better than i had thought it was going to be. After that Nick and I headed back to my house. We said bye, and of course i cried.
i love coming home but i hate it because it taunts me. i wish so bad to be able to just stay here, but i love xavier so much and i would miss everyone there. i didn't think it would be this hard to say goodbye this time, but it was actually harder. harder because i know how hard it is. hard because i know that i wont be back for another 2 months - twice as long as the last time. harder because these have been some of the best days of my life. harder because .... i dont even know how to put all this in words.
i hate this. but there is no way i am giving up. no way in hell. it just hurts like a bitch.