sleep....

one night this week, i want to go to bed without crying. that is my goal. pathetic, i know.
these past two days have been emotional shit. pms sucks balls cause it brings up all those feelings that I can usually ignore. I just want my period to start so i can get some fucking sleep. The past two nights, I have attempted to sleep, ended up thinking way too much (not like i hadn't been doing it all day), but since I have nothing to distract me, I start to cry. And crying wakes me up, and so then I get on my computer and either talk to carolyn (sunday night), or write on here (monday night). lets see what happens tomorrow. hopefully by this time I will be snoring.
I've been thinking too much, and I am becoming very bitter. Which is bad when you want to still be friends and all. I want to talk to him about all this, so hopefully at least some of the bitter will go away, but he is too busy. If I wrote him a letter, I doubt he would answer and it would just add to the bitter pile. So here I am, laying in bed, stewing in my bitter broth. I just want to get all this shit out of the way so we can be friends, and I don't sit there thinking about all of it instead of just relaxing and having fun. But, I can't seem to do that. Vicious internal battles suck.
ok, i think thats all for now, cause I don't feel like emotionally puking all over my blog since a) i don't feel like crying for the third time today (I talked to Sarah earlier and emotionally puked on her), and b) I don't know who all still reads this...