you don't even know....

blarg.
what the hell?
i know i can't assume things - i have learned that lesson in the most painful way possible. but what the hell am i supposed to think when i am not given hints, clues, or even an answer. i guess i can't expect much when i don't even ask. am i just supposed to sit here and wait, till it falls into my lap? until two months pass by? i don't want to wait. but i am afraid to act. i don't want to hurt more than i already do. but if i wait, will i lose it all? i don't even know. i feel like i am paralyzed or tied down. am i paralyzing myself? i don't know, i don't know, I DON'T KNOW.
god i sound like i am insane.
i never knew tears could hurt so much.


(sorry this is so depressing sounding.... just had to get those thoughts out on
some sort of "paper" so they would stop riding the merry-go-round in my head.)