sigh

This is more just a personal rambling to get stuff outta my head - read if you feel like it. If not, there is a tiny summary at the end. lol.

I've been thinking too much lately. Mostly about going back to school, how much I am going to miss all of my friends here, even though some of them don't seem like they will really miss me. I've also been thinking about stuff I want to do, like visit people. I have already hit up Truman. I want to go and see Carolyn, but I don't know moneywise. I also think I am gonna have to go up to Chicago, or maybe I can get Amanda to come see me.... I really wish people would come visit me, but I guess I am too far or something. I dunno. I doubt it will happen. That makes me kinda sad, but there isn't much I can do.
I am sad about leavin stl and the people here, especially Nick, but I want to go back to school and be with those friends, and live semi on my own. I love dorm life, and I hope apartment life is just as fun. I hate this feeling of being torn between two places, because I will go from being excited one minute, to dreading it the next.
I need to stop thinking so much and just enjoy the time I have left with my friends (I sound like I am dying or something).
A few nights ago I gave Nick a picture I drew in november. I had been thinking about drawing him a picture for a while, cause he has asked before, and the other night I remembered about that one. So I tore apart my room, and I had just given up when I saw my sketchbook (my old one) and was like OH YEA! So, I tore it out, wrote a note on the back - which was kind of dumb, but I had to explain the pic, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it in person because I would cry. I don't know if I really got exactly what I wanted to say across, but I think the picture spoke for me. It was some random doodles of me and nick and just him, along with some quotes from songs and random tidbits like dates (when he asked me out, first kiss, first time we met......). My favorite quote from it is from the song "I want to know your plans" by Say Anything, "You're what keeps me believin' this world's not gone dead. Strength in my bones, put the words in my head. When they pour out to paper, its all for you, cause that's what you do. That's what you do." I was so nervous giving it to him becasue a)i don't really like showing my work to people i know really well and b) it was a really personal thing, I felt almost like I ripped out one of the most private pages of my journal and was giving it to him - one that was all about him or something. He said he loves it. Which is a huge relief. I am working on another picture for him now, this one isn't so personal, its just something with one of his favorite lines of an alkaline trio song. I think it is coming along really well, and I hope it turns out as cool as I am imagining, we shall see......


Summary: Stop thinking so much, enjoy it. Draw.